Xanga, two words: PISS OFF.
Facebook > You.

ApriL 16, 2006 [A Sunday]

Well, to tell the truth.. nothing has really happened in the last 10 days.

Won some soccer games:  Claremore-Sequoyah ; Drumright ; Cushing.

---

Um, yeah.  Happy Easter.

---

I saw Tyler Marshall the other day.
I kinda miss that kid.  He was cool.
So.. other than that, I have nothing to say.

---

Sometimes, the things you miss the most, are the people you miss the most.

ApriL 6, 2006 [A Thursday]

So, we definately won our soccer game 8-1.  Scored once for the 20 minutes I got to play. [Pissed about that.]

---

I heard the most amazing sermon today in chapel.
It was literally, like, the most breath-taking/amazing/wonderful sermon I have heard in a long time.
For the full two (2) hours, he kept my attention.

---

About 10 minutes ago I got off the phone with Dan.  I felt so compelled to ask him the question: "What would you do if Jesus knocked on your door?"
As I waited for his answer, I was running the story through my head.

"An angel came to a woman and convinced that Jesus was coming at 3:00 in the afternoon the next day.  He was going to come and knock on her door to spend time with her.  She went and got her nails, hair, eyebrows and everything done, cleaned her house and cooked fresh food for him.  The next day at 3 o'clock she heard a knock on her door.  It took a few minutes to answer it, as soon as she opened it she was blown away.  Not by the sight of Jesus, not by the glorious man standing in front of her, but by the smell of the bum with a toothless smile standing right there on her doorstep.  "It's me, Jesus!"  She blocked his entrance asking who he was.  He told her, "I'm the Jesus people see through you."  She was shocked.."

We started speaking about this.
It was a short talk, and became an arguement, or so it felt.

I wasn't shoving Christianity down his throat, I simply wanted to know his answer.
How do you tell someone they aren't a bad person, when they have it imprinted in their mind?
I told him he isn't a horrible person, he's just human.  .. I guess that didn't go over well.
I wish one day it would just hit him.  "I don't need a reason to love my Heavenly Father."  You don't need a miracle, near-death situations, or a sign to know that God is real.  Just look around.  People weren't just randomly placed a some random planet where we can breathe some random element called oxygen.  The Bible isn't just some made up story from hundreds years that people made up just for kicks.  Weird how the Bible speaks of something happening in certain orders, and coincidently it happens.  .. But of course, like people say: "It's just a coincidence."  Well, we'll see.

---

Just one question:
Where will you spend eternity?

ApriL 3, 2006 [A Monday]

Um yeah.  So we rocked Mannford. 
Beat them 6-3.  I scored.. with my head.  =]
Thanks to Miss Catherine, who had an amazing corner kick.

So, some girl was bitching at me and stuff, it was kinda funny.
I slapped her in the face later.
Cool, right?

ApriL 2, 2006 [A Sunday]

Well, we went to Nationals, and won.
We won Grand Champion and First place. 
Amazing, right?

---

-i, i don't know why.  why you need some reason to feel hurt inside.

---

Soccer game in Manford tomorrow.  I demand you be there.

---

Um:
Ice Age: The Meltdown > You

That's how it goes.

March 21, 2004 [A Tuesday]

I come on here to say one thing:
You SuckkkKk.

March 18, 2006 [A Saturday]

That's depressing, I don't get near as many comments as I usually do around the middle of the month.
It's usually near the end that all of you people don't comment.  :[

---

I don't feel the need to update anymore.

All I'll do is bitch to you.

March 12, 2006 [A Sunday]

I need a sign.
I need to know what's real and what's not.

I can't take this anymore.  I thought I did the right thing, but obviously I didn't.
One more day has gone by where I realized, "Wow, I screwed up."
I'm sick of it.

Can't someone just tell me what I need to hear?  .. Someone make me listen!  It'll be for my own good, I know it.

---

Candace and I got in an arguement.
I wish she would listen to me.

I can't waste my time on this anymore..

---

"Sometimes I think your beginning started from our beginnings end."

March 11, 2006 [A Saturday]

Booker T. Washing = 0 - 9(we got our asses handed to us)
East Central = 7 - 1(we rocked them hard again, even with their fluke goal)

---

So  yesterday was really nice outside.
I was at the JV boys game (East Central never showed up) and I was just laying on the turf enjoying the warm weather, the "grass", and the company I had to talk with me.

It was relaxing.

---

The girls game was pretty good though, I scored twice, Allison scored thrice, Payton scored once, Tera scored once.
Good game.

March 8, 2006 [A Wednesday]

You make me smile boy.
and that's a damn good thing.

March 7, 2006 [A Tuesday]

I have to talk to her parents.
It's carried on long enough, and I can't let it happen anymore.
Enough is enough, I'm done with your lies.

---

- you're the only one who knows me, and who doesn't ignore me that my soul is weeping.

---

Stress is taking over me.
I've been waiting for a change for a year.

March 6, 2006 [A Monday]

Just a damn child.
All I ever was, all I'll ever be.

I don't have to ask what you think of me, because now I know.

---

You wouldn't understand.

March 5, 2006 [A Sunday]

Him: Tell me you're okay..
Her:  I'm okay.
Him: Good.

He only told her to tell him she was okay.  He never asked, he'll never know.

---

Well.
Aside from being called an attention whore, nothing really happened.
I drove around a lot, drove to Moe's.. hung out with him.  Then I came home.  Aren't I just one big ball of excitement?  -.-;

---

Sometimes I question why I tell the truth, then I remember.. it saved me once.

---

"And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound.
Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest.
And my fears are over now, I can leave with my head down."

-Hollywood Undead

March 4, 2006 [A Saturday]

Please don't tell me you expect me to be your friend.
Flirt with one and hook-up with another.
This isn't what I expected from you.  Sorry boy, I call this the end.

---

Goodbye February,
See you next year.
Hello March,
How will you be treating me this year?

---

Hit the bowling alley with a friend,
then paint the town white with no memory.

---

February 28, 2006 [A Tuesday]

Ha, you know what I think is funny:
I put January instead of February in my last entry.  xD

---

February is ending.
Goodbye till next year.

---

I skinned my knees,
AND
we lost.

January 27, 2006 [A Monday]

I hate Mondays.
Literally HATE.

---

Today just hasn't been my favorite.
I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm not the happiest person.. blah blah blah.
Care for me to go on?  Because I will if I have to.

---

Metro vs. Coweta
tomorrow @ 5:00 in Coweta.
Be there.  Directions on Mapquest.

February 26, 2006 [A Sunday]

Well, we had a soccer tourny yesterday.
We didn't get to the finals.  Catoosa was a hard team, and we were all tired.
Not to mention our food wasn't digested, so it was like a rock in our stomachs.
Ick.

---

I got to drive home from church.
Yes, I drove on a main street.  GASP!
omgwtfbbql33tsauce?!
Yes bitches, it's true.

February 24, 2006 [A Friday]

Lauren and I watched a movie tonight.  A quite depressing movie.  "Requiem For A Dream"
Main Point:
Addiction

A best friend, a girlfriend, a son, and a mother's lives are all overtaken by drugs.  The best friend is put in a drug rehabilitation center/prison, the girlfriend becomes a prostitute to buy money for drugs, the son has to get his arm amputated because of injecting heroine into his vain, and the mother is sent to a mental hospital where her two best friends cry over their mistakes and faults they had done to her, and what had become of her.

I almost cried.
Call me a wuss, but it was the most depressing movie I've seen.

---

Soccer Tourny tomorrow in Catoosa.
Yaaaaay soccer!

Februray 23, 2006 [A Thursday]

People don't understand their impact on others.  You could be ruining someones life with your words, or you could be saving their life.  Your kindness, your brutality, your love, your hate.  If we make a choice, we are the voice for people who can't stand up on their own.  Join the fight for what is right.

"No one sits with him, he doesn’t fit in
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him
Cause you want to belong do you go along
Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
It’s not like we hate him or want him to die
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side
And a kindness from you might have saved his life

Heroes are made when you make a choice
You could be a hero
Heroes do what’s right
You could be a hero
You might save a life
You could be a hero, You could join the fight
For what’s right for what’s right for what’s right

No one talks to her, she feels so alone
She’s in too much pain to survive on her own
The hurt she can’t handle overflows to a knife
She writes on her arm, wants to give up her life
Each day she goes on is a day that she is brave,
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way,
Each moment of courage her own life she saves
When she throws out the pills a hero is made
[Chorus]

No one talks to him about how he lives
He thinks that the choices he makes are just his
Doesn’t know he’s a leader with the way he behaves
And others will follow the choices he’s made
He lives on the edge, he’s old enough to decide
His brother who wants to be him is just nine
He can do what he wants because it’s his right
The choices he makes change a nine year old’s life
[Chorus]"

Hear it, feel it, do it.
I'm waiting for peopel to make the right choices.
I'm waiting for myself to make the right choices.

February 21, 2006 [A Tuesday]

Boy, I just can't figure you out.

And it's really irritating.

---

3 & 1/2 miles in snow and cleats.
Mmm boy. OW

February 20, 2006 [A Monday]

It's still snowing.
It's icing over.
Cars are crashing, people are feezing.
Gotta love winter.

---

When you're a teenager, you think you're so old.
When you hit your twenties you feel young and irresponsible again.
When you're thirty you think you're old again, but then you realize you're still young.
When you're fourty-fifty-and sixty, you think you're young again, but then you say, "Damn, remember when.."
When you're seventy and eighty you know you're old.
When you're ninty and in your hundreds, you thank God for blessing you with such a great life.

---

Sledding is great fun

February 18, 2006 [A Saturday]

Innocence gone, never take friendship personal

---

Be who you are and want to be. 
Tomorrow you might not have that oppertunity.

The greatest tragedy is not your death
But a life without reason

---

Well, there's an extra seat at the dinner table this Christmas and Thanksgiving.  That seems to happen every year.  I'm getting older as I grow, certain things just seem to fade away.  I miss people as they move on, knowing that they or I might not be here tomorrow.  Some things are just sad, and better left not knowing.

(revised ^)

---

Snow is depressing.
Although it's pure and white, it's depressing.
The overcast causing a dismal grey in the sky.
The eerie quiet of nothingness.
The slow howl of the wind through trees and bushes.
Makes me feel like I can't escape.
But what am I trying to escape.. life?

February 17, 2006 [A Friday]

Please stop it.  Stop making this terrible noise and picture play through my head.
The screaming, the crying.  The wanting, the missing.
Sleepless nights becoming bitter oblivion, over and over.
God help me.
I beg you, I praise you.
One day without thinking, replaying, tears, pain, please Lord.  One day is all I ask.

---

- i just want one more chance to put my arms in fragile hands.

---

"Sometimes I feel only less importance as the day creeps along."

---

I'd have to say one good thing happened today.
I won't say what, but I did think it would of been gone.
But no, it's not.  It's still there, right in front.
  That put a smile on my face.
Thanks. :]

February 16, 2006 [A Thursday]

Well, we won our pre-soccer season scrimmage.
10-1
I got a hat-trick + 1 = 4 goals.
.. I thought it was pretty impressive for our first "game".  But then again it was against Rogers, and they weren't that good.

---

Sigh, I feel I need to apologize to people.
So, here it goes:
I'm sorry Dan for being a bitch and everything I've done to hurt you.
I'm sorry Kevin (Kedy), the friendship fell apart and it wasn't your fault.
I'm sorry Candace, maybe I should stop caring about people so much.  It's their life, right?
I'm sorry Jackie for a friendship ending over God knows what.
I'm sorry Christy if I have ever done you wrong.
I'm sorry Jake for blowing you off or pissing you off or hurting you, whatever I've done to you before.
I'm sorry Kevin (Carns), I can't understand why we stopped talking so abruptly after you left.
I'm sorry Jason for lying, bothering you, or anything and everything I've done.  My own stupidity hurt me.
I'm sorry.. everyone.

---

What makes you hesitate, to tell me what words which you really feel?

"Sometimes I wish I could see what you're trying to say in your eyes.  But everytime I look, I get lost."

February 14, 2006 [A Tuesday]

I'm getting really crappy with these entries.
Seems like I don't have time.

---

Valentine's Day is probably one of the dumbest holidays, besides Groundhog Day.
Just gives people a reason to dress in red, pink, and white.
Not to mention give out gifts to people they care about,  then watch other people not get anything and feel lonely and unimportant.
And those of you with boyfriends and girlfriends, it gives you an oppertunity to take you significant other out on a date, and see all the other couples too.

wtf is the point?!

But oh well.. Happy Valentine's Day

---

Oh, and by the way:

I might of broken my wrist on the left.
I boken some fingers on the right.
I strained my neck and my back.
And I sprained both ankles.

I think life hates me right about now.

---

Alright, you know what I'm sick of?
When people have 69 at the end of their names.
You should just take the extra effort and type out, "x__riotMILITARYPOSITION" or "xX_RoCkEtDOGGYSTYLE"

Although I will admit, I do giggle any time a teacher says "Page 69"

---

Untitled

"I've come to realize I feel like a color-coated secret.
No one can come to understand I like to stay in my cold comfort,
Whispering my curses under my breath like a prayer.
Inside my naked walls of silk and skin, take one look to be blown away to sun before dawn.
Don't cry out, you can still move standing still.
I was pretending your secret kiss of confidence was my escape and the perfect game.
Secret kiss of confidence, you're waiting here.

I'll sing to you when words fail to flow.  I'll dress them up with peral-coated lies.
Don't worry, we'll be one shine together with time floating on.
Moving standing still, I make sure to watch every moment.

My passions becomes gripped by fear, we're everywhere but here.
Convince yourself that I'm truthfully the perfect lie.
Your days of summer are clouded by rainy mondays inside you head.
We went too far in the blind light to liberate truth.
Too far, the words cut through our melodies rushing into our blood.
I can feel it when we look up into gray skies turning true.
Now we can't forget what they've forgotten all along.
I bet they feel so alone.  But it'll be okay when we're escaping the perfect game.

I'll sing to you when words fail to flow.  I'll dress them up with peral-coated lies.
Don't worry, we'll be one shine together with time floating on.
Moving standing still, I make sure to watch every moment.

10, 9, 8, what's left to say?  Are we dressing up, ready to play.
7, 6, 5, 4, all over you standing still with what more to do?
3, 2, 1, could we have more fun?  3, 2, 1, seconds of time are done."

I'll sing to you when words fail to flow.  I'll dress them up with peral-coated lies.
Don't worry, we'll be one shine together with time floating on.
Moving standing still, I make sure to watch every moment.
I'll sing to you when words fail to flow.  No need to dress up truthes behind lies.
Don't worry, one shine together in the light of darkness.
Watch every moment watch you."

.. I was feeling a little depressed, so I decided to write a little something.
Yes, I wrote that.  A bit horrible, eh?
Call it rubbish, call it garbage, call it whatever.  You don't like it, I don't care.

February 11, 2006 [A Saturday]

Well, scary experience while I was driving.
I almost got rear-ended by an SUV.. and my mom scared the shit out of me when I was turning.
Yeah.. people, don't go "GASP!" when I'm driving.
Not only will it scare me, it may kill you.  :] 

kthx.

---

Wow.  I just realized it's too late to apologize.
What do I do now?

Can someone help me.
Simple words of advice, a hug, something.

- i'm hearing what you say, but i just can't understand your sound.

Oh gosh.

February 10, 2006 [A Friday]

I've decided telling you about my life isn't really important.
None of you pay attention anyways.

I mean.. I could post in big, bright letters: I'M DEPRESSED!
.. and you probably wouldn't care.

---

February skipped the sentimental part this year.
Maybe it'll go back, but I won't count on it.

-angel of mercy how did you find me? how did you pick me up?

February 6, 2006 [A Monday]

February starts out irritating,
becomes sentimental,
then ends up depressing.

That's probably why I hate this month so much.
.. It's like the "Monday of all months", if that makes sense to any of you.

---

"Sometimes I questions myself as to why we're still in existence together."

Well sigh, that's just depressing.
But I guess I can't say I'm in an upbeat mood.

- i've made a living with a song.

---

People have asinine excuses.
And I just can't darn stand it.

.. I just heard a really depressing song.
A woman was saying goodbye to her childhood.
And welcoming her adulthood as she married.

I don't think we should say goodbye to our childhood,
we should pass it on just to make it better for the next generation.

- so goodbye alice in wonderland, and you can keep yellow-brick road.  there's a difference between dreaming and pretending.

^gosh, depressing.

---

I wish someone would send me roses at school.
That'd be a very nice surprise.
I certainly do not care who does it.

.. someone make me smile.

February 5, 2006 [A Sunday]

Pissed off right now.

---

I was Lauren's last night, it was quite nice.
We went to the riverwalk
I enjoy that place.  Especially with Lauren.

---

Men are just boys.
Boys are just children.
And children are just ignorant.

February 3, 2006 [A Friday]

I've come to the conclusion all I'm good for is to listen and give advice.
Someone needs me to vent, they will.
Someone needs me for advice, they come.

- show soul, kiss the stars with me.

Very dispirited.

---

So, funny story about last night:
I was washing my face then blacked out and fell backwards.
I was talking to Andrew at the time.. so of course he didn't know what was going on.

I think it's hilarious, but there's a huge bump on the back of my head.

---

Stoneface Norman
Xanadu
August Pause
= AMAZING

---

Metro vs. Cascia game tonight = Me there.

You should be there too.

---

"Somtimes I think you still love me.  Then your words shoot out like bullets into my heart."

February 1, 2006 [A Wednesday]

How exciting.
I get to start a brand new post.

---

"Sometimes I wonder why I smile at you without remorse."

- i wasn't prepared for this.

Booker T. is where I'm going most likely.
Sorry Edison people, you don't get to experience the joy of Caitlin.

---

I'm sorry but Henry Heffalump seems to be cooler than you.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Check him out.

---

Oh, and just BY THE WAY:

Yes.

January 31, 2006 [A Tuesday]

How terribly sad.
January is a mere 3 1/2 hours until it comes to an end, then February begins.

A new, month-long post is about to be born!
[random cheers in the crowd].

---

People are two-faced.
I've concluded it's almost impossible for people not to be.

Yes, even me.
I'm sorry.

I find it disgusting.
Yes, I disgust myself.

- be every color that you are.

I think people do that quite innocently, but easily.

---

Dreaming in digital is better than nothing.
At least you still have a mind that enables you to think through your sleep.

January 30, 2006 [A Monday]

Monday, how I hate thee.

• First school,
• Then soccer,
• The gymnastics,
• Then homework.

Hm, so anyways:
Today = Boring

I don't like vowels.

It was just random.

---

- come and get me, i'm still sitting here.  hey, maybe you can help me, i'm still, still sitting here.

I like it.
So give it a rest.  :]

---

One Question:

Is it better to think and dress like a whore, or just act like one?

This question has no relevance to anything, it was just sheer curiousity.

---

Well, I've decided I like staying up till 4 am watching mediocre movies.  And incorporation obsolete vernacular into my daily vocabulary.

and as always:
old spice > life

January 29, 2006 [A Sunday]

I felt this important, so I'm putting this at the beginning of my entry.

I'm having trouble deciding wether or not I should go to Booker T. Washington Highschool-or-Edison Highschool.

I will admit BTW is a better school,
but I wouldn't really be the new kid at Edison.
I know some people, they seem to accept me.

Should I let friends are these certain schools be the base of my opinion.
.. No, I don't think so either.

• It makes it harder when you only have two years to make a lasting impression

---

Another lazy Sunday is coming to a close.
Along with the month of January.

- let's make a fast plan, watch it burn to the ground.  i try to whisper, so no one figures it out.  i'm not a bad man, i'm just overwhelmed. it's cause of these things, it's cause of these things.

She Wants Revenge, "These Things".
They're pretty amazing.

---

I drove today.
Mother says I did excellent.

I'm pretty pleased with myself.
It was only my second time.

---

I feel I have no words of wisdom for anyone today;
Although I'll leave you with these four questions.

• What is truth?
• Can we have one truth if we have different opinions on right and wrong?
• What truths are right?
• What truths are wrong?

January 28. 2006 [A Saturday]

I missed yesterdays entry, yet again.

---

- summer nightfalls with endless dreams of you and i together always.  taking truths and leaving town, go to places where no one's around.

Yeah, I kinda like Tila Tequila.
But okay.

I had a cheer competition at BA highschool.  :]
We got 1st in our division.

It was exciting.
6 Tumbling Passes
4 Dances + Cheer
1 Basket Toss

10/10 on Dancing.
15/15 on Tumbling.
13/15 on Stunting.

I thought we did good.

---

You confuse me boy.
You confuse me greatly.  :[

---

I've decided you can't distinguish between right and wrong.  both/and;either/or.  Some say you can't use both of them and make a correct statement because you either  use one or the other.  [Someone tell me, do you understand that?]

Well, it's nap time for Caitlin.

January 26, 2006 [A Thursday]

I apologize for missing yesterdays entry.

But I didn't feel like killing you with nothingness.
I thought it'd be wrong and immoral.

---

Well, sigh, sigh.. Today has gone so slow.
The hours just keep dragging on.

I think I actually heard the second hand on a clock ticking not to long ago,
but when I looked, there was no clock.
Is that a sign of insanity?

.. if so, I think I'll welcome it with open arms.

---

- where are you now?  can't hear the sound of your once longing voice.  the simple "i missed you today" while you're away.  where are you now?

I actually know the answer to that question.
but I don't feel the need to answer it.

Jake and I talked on the phone last night.

I figured that was big news.
he & i haven't talked on the phone in ages.

We talked, and it made me think.  Sure, I can act like  I'm sad, but I won't.
I have a sense of pride in telling some I'm over it.
I can't quite tell if I'm lying or not yet.

.. I think that's a bad thing.
If I am lying, I apologize sincerely, and hopefully you'll understand.

---

tsk,tsk.  I'm fed up with myself and my nonsense.

Boys are dumb.
Girls are bitches.
And me, well I'm simply stuck in the middle.

I can help others, but I can't help myself.

---

Have you ever noticed that when you tell someone else to do something, like get over a guy/girl because of this-this-&that it sounds so easy and you think you could do it just like that.  Mm.. bullshit?  Yeah, well what happens when you tell yourself that.  .. you can't do it.

I'm kind of not happy with the circumstances of that.

---

Oh, one more thing before I leave.
It's funny when Rebecca Smith stands up to teachers and tells them to shut up.
I feel bad for the teacher, but damn is it funny.
I was trying to not laugh at her mistake, but I couldn't help a few snickers.
"What nerve of some people."  I agree.

I can't wait for someone to do that to me.
I want a good reason to yell at people.  :]

---

- It is unfair to tear somebody apart when her health and exuberance threaten you.

sigh, sigh.
How completely truthful.

---

- i found the truth behind your lies, you're just a fake friend in disguise.

I need happier music.
MORE TILA TEQUILA
[head bangs]

www.myspace.com/TilaTequila

If you don't go there, I'll be mad.
I don't care if you don't like her, at least her lyrics are descent.

January 24, 2006 [A Tuesday]

I suddenly became ill yesterday.
That's why there is no post for that day.

---

Well, I'm feeling much better, should be at school tomorrow.

I got my permit today.
My mum let me drive some today.

- i send this smile over to you.

---

I'm sure you don't care I wasn't there today,
but there's always the chance of you noticing my rare abscense.
Maybe you care.

but for my sake of not getting my hopes up
I highly doubt it.

---

This saturday is the cheer meet at BA Senior High.

I expect to see a few of you there.

Sara will be there, but she's an exception. 
She's on the cheer squad.  :]

Ha, cheap huh?

Jake, Candace, m0e-moE, Lauren [in spirit of course, because she has a horsey shoe], Christy, and Christina.
Yes, all of you should be there.

---

Around this time next year I should have enough money to buy my own car.

January 22, 2006 [A Sunday]

January is almost over.

How terribly miserable..

---

I was at Lauren's yesterday.

We had a great deal of fun.
Twister Moves is quite the ideal game.
Not to mention the piano.

Well, come to find out it was a drunken phone call by someone else.
I figured as much.

- sometimes i don't know why.  we'd rather live than die.

---

Okay.

January 21, 2006 [A Saturday]

Cheer practice soon.

---

Too many tears.
it gets old..

---

Why did he call?

January 20, 2006 [A Friday]

Missed yesterdays entry.
Oh well, the day just passed.

Nothing happened besides the wind blowing through my hair.

The gentle breeze was quite nice.

---

Well my days are going slower.
But in the corner of my eye I saw you staring at me.  I hid my smile and faked sleep.

I didn't think you'd mind.

I feel like I should focus more on me and my life and worry less about everyone else.
It gives me a selfish feeling, but I can't brush it off.

- i waited for you today, but you didn't show.  no, no, no.  i needed you today, so where do you go?

Barlow Girl has become one of my favorites.  They are good live, very posh.

I have a low recognition for people who make me ill.
I feel you should know that.

---

- i cried out with no reply, and I can't feel you by my side.  so i hold tight to what i know, you're here and never alone.

Yeah, I definately like Barlow Girl

I've decided this world is getting turned upside down.
It is now an object instead of "the world".

Two questions for you:

• What is the world?
• Do we have a certain order in this world to follow?

Answer those for me, will you?

---

Well, we went to the Underground club.
Then met up with Poof, A-O, and Scott.
           They were pretty neat.

Dance, dance, laugh, dance, cameras lights, dance, talk, laugh, laugh, laugh, talk.

Yeah, tonight was good.

---

Tonight just became a shit hole.

I just wanna go die now..
I just became seriously depressed.

January 18, 2006 [A Wednesday]

Oh my feet hurt.

---

5 hours at cheerleading/tumbling/stunting is enough for one day.

I added it all up, I'm at that gym for 10 hours a week pretty much. [not counting extra time]
Far too much.

---

The only guy that deserves you is the one who thinks he doesn't.
The one that`ll stick by your side no matter how much you screw up.
And the one who will always forgive you, mistake after mistake ..

---

                  2 B-e-a-utiful People.
                     No doubt about it.

January 17, 2006 [A Tuesday]

This post is getting quite long.
I enjoy it.  >=]

---

Okay, well all know about Winterball '06.
Best Winterball yet.. blah, blah, blah.
Grounchy dancing.. yada, yada.
Fun times, kisses, fingers pointing, ass biting [yes, my ass got bit.] 
Dancing, dancing.. yeah, yeah, yeah.

AND THEN IT SUCKED.

//end story.

---

And we begin the pictures. [but only a few.]

                                          1 Orgasmic Face.

                                        2 Amazing People.

                                                3 Lovely Ladies.

                                           4 People.  2 Couples.

                                              5 Beautiful People.

---

That sums up the amazingness of that night.

January 16, 2006 [A Monday]

No school today.

Missed yesterday entry. 
I was with Lauren and Candace.  Mainly Lauren though.

Camel and Raptor runs, chickens, donkeys, needles and peppers, ice, cotton bolls, a can, curlers, make-up, cameras, Wedding Crashers, pizza, mall, shoes, jackets, soup, muffies, chi-lattes, "shot glasses", shirts, Dictatresses, The Dictatress Game, unicycles, juggling, hats with little fans on top, kicking walls, sleeping, weird noises, Korn, stalkers.
I summed up almost our whole night in about 50 words.  :] 

fun eh?
[no, I'm not Canadian]

---

So I've been thinking alot.

Time to move on.
Time to get out.
Time to realize.

Yeah.. time to realize.

When I stop running,
They'll start chasing.

.. It's how it goes.  :]  Ciao.

January 14, 2006 [A Saturday]

Boys sucks.

That's all I have to say to you.

January 13, 2006 [A Friday]

10 points for Friday the 13th.
It's all about the black-magic and bad luck.

-.-;  jokes..

- someone to hold you tight, someone to make you feel alright.  everyday and night, i wish i was your someone.  someone to hold you when you're weak, someone to make you feel complete.

That song makes me sad, but I like it.

---

remember when:  friends didnt lie to you;
and the worst thing anyone ever called you was a meanie.
remember when:  you were judged on how nice you were;
and how you only wanted to hear "i love you" from your mom?
well now:  friends barely tell you the truth;
girls will call you a obscenities that will make you want to break down and cry
well now: your judged on how expensive your clothes are;
and you'd give up every single time your mom ever told you how she loved you;;
just to hear that one special boy say it once.

---

going back on that thought earlier, I remember those days.
now days are filled with thoughts of boys and friends.

School is just a downer on your social life.
Boys will just abuse you and use you, only because you let them.
Your mother is just because another person you're trying to get past.

• Your, you, you're.  It all deals with yourself.  Take time for others.

.. yeah, I remember the young days quite well, and they mix perfectly with who I am now.

and I think they make me a stronger person.
"Sometimes I think you don't understand when and where I am."

---

if you dream now, it's too extreme.

why aren't we allowed to reach for our dreams?
why can't we passionately admit who we are?
why can't we learn that you only get one chance to make first impressios on new people?
why don't we give everyone the right to speak their mind?
why aren't we standing up in what we believe in, and not back down when others disagree?
why can't you freely express who you are without being persecuted?

Who are we?  Why are we here?  Why do we back down?  .. Why are we just simply.. human?
Can we make more of ourselves?
Do we have that option?

"Sometimes I believe I have a set path with a fork in the road for my decision."

January 12, 2006 [A Thursday]

The swim meet went well.  I saw Drew, Trey, Jessie, Emily, Paige, David, and all the other people I used to swim with or against.  It was fun.. we conversed.

Over all I did pretty good.  I got 7th out of 48 in 100 Free && last time we saw 5th out of 35 in Breast.
I did pretty amazing for not swimming in any meets in over a year and barely any practices.

---

So a wise man told me, "Anger is nothing but a manifest of fear."
I pondered for awhile..
He went on to say, "You know the saying, 'Love hurts'?  Well, love does not hurt, it heals.  You know you love someone when you're willing to let them go."
I pondered more and simply nodded my head in agreement.

I think he's right.  My father should write a book.
"Sometimes I wonder why I look at you and smile without remorse."

---

• Life makes me smile.

January 11, 2006 [A Wednesday]

Today, today.. how lovely today.

from 7:00 a.m. till about 9:00 p.m. I haven't been home.  14 hours without the comfort of my house.
School
Soccer
Gymnastics/Cheer/Stunting
have pretty much taken over my life.

School was boring, nothing unusual.
Soccer was sweet and short because I left early for..
Cheer.  Cheer was fun, I learned my spots and one of the three dances + a cheer.
Tumbling/Gymnastics was fun, only last for an hour then we had..
Stunting.  .. what to say about stunting. 

I'll start with the basic stuff:
I thought we'd be learning how to stunt better, WAY OFF.  The guys were stunting us one man.
So, to say the least I had to do a toss-up lib.

Great fun.  Jim was my man.  Corey, Pat, and Sean were off stuting other people.  Mmm, yes.

---

Your face is cute.
"Sometimes I think I could stab myself infront of you and you'd still walk on by."

January 10, 2006 [A Tuesday]

My brother said in the next life, he wants to be a cow.. in India.  Thanks for karma he adds.

Bullshit to changing.  /\  No hugs, no kisses.  /\
SKITTLES YOU BITCH.  [one guess to who that is]
:]

Not to mention, your parents are nieve.
You are a trashy, school girl, SLUT.
And WHY might I ask you're friends with the BIGGEST trashy, school girl, homophobic, SLUT x10?  .. maybe not the biggest, but close to.
And flirting is a way of life to you, YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE IT!  .. Dumb bitch.

Not to mention.. stupid.
and you smell like road-kill.

I end my point.  <3

---

I'm pretty sure she was the only one who realized that, that was just a lot of sarcasm.

oh well, you suck anyway.

- come here, please hold my hand, Lord now.  help me, I'm scared please show me how to fight this.  God has a master plan, and I guess, I am in his demand.  Please save me.

That song makes me happy.
"Sometimes I think I forget who I am.  Then I look at you and remember who I was in your arms."

January 9, 2006 [A Monday]

a change has been made.  I am either going to Edison or Booker T. next year.
I can't decide which though.  Booker T. is definately a better school, better shot at a good future.

i just don't know.

Well, school was lame today.  We have chapel tomorrow for some weird reason.

---

I'm a bad, bad person.
Some one should punish me.  :[

and in no way is that sexual

---

Well, my fear of rejection is getting the best of me.
I asked and now I wait paitently for a reply. 
I couldn't quit shaking when I asked though.  Although not face to face, just miles apart.
A simple message with simple words all mixed into a little question with a big outcome.

a girl can wish, can't she?

"Sometimes I don't think I mean more than a piece of lint and two pennies to you."

January 8, 2006 [A Sunday]

January 7, 2006 [A Saturday]
Well, the shows went well today.

i was pleased
"sometimes I don't appreciate the good times."

Other than that, nothing has happened.
I had a lot of time to think today though, while sitting in the dressing room putting on make-up, laying the clothes in the correct order and fixing them up for easy put on.. //sigh, it was nice actually.
I decided you can't steriotype people.
Like, you know how models are steriotyped:  Stuck-up, snobby, rude, anorexic.
Not true for any of us.

Mykell was such a sweetheart [yes, it's a girl]
Catherine was so nice [we had photoshoots together]
Meghan was probably my favorite
Amber was funny
Weldon was so hilarious
Johnathon, well.. he just can't sit still for very long

I'd have to say the only thing that sucked was the girls and guys didn't have seperate rooms to change in, but oh well.

- hey you, hey you, Devil's little sister.

That's a catchy song.  I like Korn.